Alone in crowd

“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” ― Elbert Hubbard

“If you can understand my silence you can understand my life too” – Anonymous

“Loneliness” How are you? I asked…just to be sure that she is happy with me…

She replied… I’m fine & Of course I’m happy with you… are you happy with me?

Why should I not be… I brought you along with me…

Over the years of being in crowd among people with whom I have laughed on baseless topics, spends hours on trivial things, I have realized that you are my best companion.

I’m happy I have found the most stable relationship in you…

The stability for which I have longed for …

The stability for which I could live & die for…

Why should I be worried? That I’m alone…

That I don’t have the crowd around me… the crowd of friends & families who are attached with loose string of relationships.

The strings which are so weak that I can see the notches tied up as far as I can see in past…

The notches are evidences of broken trusts, hurt egos, misunderstandings & unfulfilled expectations..

These notches are always visible no matter how hard you try.

These notches are like ugly metal staples on the broken Chinese tea bowls.

Even the Japanese art of “Kintsugi” which is termed as “Golden repair” which as a philosophy treats breakage & repairs as part of the history of the object, rather than something to disguise, cannot repair these notches.

We may always think that what has gone has gone & one needs to move on with relationships, but any sad moment brings back all the memories of those notches.

People see me as a lonely person, but aren’t they alone too even with crowd?

We all are busy with our social & professional circles throughout our life.. running the life like an endless running game.

But the moment we fall after being hit by a problem disguised as big tree in a thick jungle or a big rock in the middle of high tide river.. we collapse & when we wake up.. we would find that no one stopped for us…

They would pass by you.. looking through their merciful eyes thinking of our poor state.. talk about you during a morning tea or afternoon talk shows or evening snacks & then again start the same race again with new crowd..

Do you still think you are not alone?

You might see me as a lonely person

“Coz I can’t pray like the crowd

Nor can I spit on the cloud

Neither do I dream about my fairytales

And I don’t cry for my sorry sails

Coz I don’t dream of becoming rich

Nor do I scream of being sick

Neither do I preach about my charities

And I don’t speak of my fantasies

Coz I don’t stop from shining bright

Nor do I stand when the light is bright”

But I’m happy…coz I’m not alone.. At least not as alone as those who are still with crowd….

Because they think they have all the happiness in this world…

They don’t want to accept you…

They run from you..

They run from their destiny & in the end they end up being restless & lonely …

But  I’m happy..because I have accepted you by will… trusted you with my secrets… shared with you my dreams & aspirations.. discussed with you my plans..

I know you will there with me as my Soulmate.. although I’m alone… but you will be there..